well here i am

it’s my first time back on the blog portion of this website in a couple of years.

i figured this would be the best place to lay my thoughts out. quarantine has had me feeling all kinds of things. lazy, tired, purposeless. weird times we’re living in.

i know most of the world is in the same position i am.

so i wanted to try and do something to help out a little bit. first and foremost, if you need someone to talk to, i always do my best to answer every message i receive, so feel free to reach out with any dialogue.

second; the giveaway. a ton of people are struggling with money right now. if you’re reading this, you’ve probably streamed my music within the last month or so…thank you. i’ve amassed over 70 thousand plays on geek with your help. in the month of june i donated 100% of my streaming revenue to the NAACP and Color of Change thanks to Distrokid’s new feature which allows you to easily allocate a percentage of your income directly to the organizations. even after the donations, you’ve continued streaming my music.

with that being said…
in an attempt to give back to my listeners and help during these times…

i’m giving away $100

all you have to do to enter is re-post the contest video to your Instagram story and tag me.
you also get additional entries for tagging friends in the comments of the post.

the winner will be announced 07.22.20 along with the release my new single mama which you can pre-save on Spotify here. best of luck!

again, thank you.
luv violets

monster + adderall

it’s late...actually it’s early. i’m sitting in the hallway of a hotel. it’s an overnight security shift. 

i’m dressed up like a cop with bleach blonde and pink hair. 

i wouldn’t be doing this if i didn’t owe my soul to my credit card. i need to pay that shit off.  

i’m off a monster energy and an adderol.  

i need to work this shift tomorrow too. 

luv nic

solitary realizations

I've been away for about a week. Away from all the people I'm close with. Sometimes being away from everyone is good. I've had a lot of time to think about things.

Days have been passing extremely slowly; A speed I'm very farmiliar with. I've always expected so much out of life. My high expectations and impatience have left me disappointed many times. This process of acquiring the things I want and driving closer to my aspirations has been slow. 

I've been working toward creating a life based around my passions for nearly seven years. This is quite literally just the beginning. I've finally reached a level of satisfaction with the outcome of my attempts and I know I have so much more potential. I'm still young, there's so much time, and so much more waiting to do. 

While you're waiting for the day to come where your passion becomes your career, you need to do everything you possibly can to enrich your mind with the necessary  knowledge to succeed.

Put the hours in,

Read the books,

Watch the videos,

Ask questions. 

I've come to the realization that I want to succeed more than I want to breathe. That's the same mentality you need to adopt for whatever path you take. 

If you get a chance, spend some time alone. Question who you really are, and what you really want to do. You can't find your way if you haven't yet found yourself. 

We're all hungry for something. Some of us will settle for a meal, but I'm preparing the feast. Your solitary realizations will give you the ingredients to create your own feast. 

luv nic

the cool kids were never cool

I always thought I was an outcast growing up. The whole stigma behind creative kids threw me off. That's why I gave up the vision for a while. It took me nearly seven years of cooking on the back burner to realize I was going to end up with a better meal than anyone else. 

Nowadays if I want to do something, I literally just do it. Problem is, the cool kids are always alarmed by anything out-of-the-box. That always mattered to me, until now. All those kids I went to school with are attending college, rushing frats, and going through the motions. But what are they really pursuing? What are they really working towards? What? A business degree from an average school? A 9-5 job behind a desk? The ability to come home at night with an average salary. Sure, some people actually want a normal life, and I respect that. But not the cool kids. They're riddled with insecurities and they hide behind empty cans of Natty Ice and their past weekend memories. They're afraid to do what they really want to do. 

See...

The cool kids were never really cool.  

I started making music and clothes because I wanted to. I started writing my thoughts out and vlogging because I wanted to. I bleached my hair because I wanted to. 

What do you want to do? Please find that out and do it. Life is very precious and it can't be wasted on a fake persona in the name of being cool. I've spent a lot of time finding out who I am and finding out what I want to do. Now that I have it figured out I want to make sure other people get it too. 

luv nic

attention deficit

I'm too broke to pay attention to anything for more than five minutes. If you read my first post, you'd know that. That's why sticking to all the plans I have this year is gunna be tough. But I feel like I finally have a solid vision mapped out where I can link all of my passions together. 

I'm working on the singles right now. I wanted to get some solo music out in the open to start building my brand before promoting the album. 

These are all being streamed on SoundCloud at the moment but will be available on all major platforms soon. 

My good friend Corey over at SoundShuttle Studios in Boxford comes back from vacation this week so I'm planning on getting a session in before the weekend is over. 

So the albums going to be called Sweet Chaos. I'll make the official announcement later on (because I figure not to many people are going to read these, which is sad because the whole we're trying to promote is being creative, being happy and doing what you love.) 

I really wanna post the fuck out of the artwork now though. It's easily one of the best design pieces I've ever done. But I'm not going to jump the gun on this one. 

Timing is really everything with this project, and I think waiting until everything is completed is the best option.  

Aside from the album, I'm doing a lot of other side projects that will crossover. 

We're doing the weekly vlogs. Every Tuesday at 12PM there's gunna be new content. I've always wanted to take people through my daily nonsense. Just really looking for a way to be authentic to people who don't know me through all this. 

I'm blogging every Thursday. I'll be able to go into more depth on certain topics in writing than I'll be able to on YouTube. I might blog throughout the week as well, but Thursday is the staple day for sure. This will be like an internet diary and timeline. 

I just co-founded a brand with my friend from work. I'll talk more about that as the release date approaches.  

I'm running Deadlock Riot; a collective focused on music, art, design, photography, and culture. It's going to act as a base for all projects I work on, and a networking tool for other artists. I'm currently building the riot and looking for more talent. If you're interested send me your portfolio. It's in the early stages right now, but I have two artists and a photographer on the team. 

So the we got the music,

we got the vlogs,

we got the the blogs,

we got the clothes,

and we got the collective hosting it all. 

For now it's just a bunch of ideas. I'm definitely that guy who talks about doing something then never does it, but let it be known that we ain't fucking around this year. 

attencion defecit or not, we're making it happen. 

luv nic

the search for happiness

I'm a firm believer that we, as humans, were placed on this earth to find happiness.
What's the point of living if you're chasing the dollar and going through the motions? 

BUT HEY, YOU NEED MONEY...

Especially with the way the world is heading right now. Trust me, I want to be rich as hell, so I'm doing it my way. And yeah, it's always been about doing it my way. I've been looking to make a splash within the creative world since early middle school. I started doing music in 6th grade with a USB karaoke microphone from a PlayStation game. Plugged her into the old Windows XP, and rapped over loop beats on Mixcraft. Talk about budgeting. I was fucking terrible. It wasn't until 8th grade that I got a real microphone and started making songs that were mediocre at best. 

This was all part of the grand scheme to get paid. My entrepreneurial mindset was always in motion. Amidst this dream of becoming a famous rapper and putting my city on the map like every other local douche, I was popping out businesses left and right:

Wave Fingerboards - Handmade tech-deck skateboards crafted from 8 plies of quality wood veneers. Yeah, I was the kid that finger boarded at lunch. It surprises me that I got all the now washed up football players to buy into the hype. 

Three Brothers Landscape - It really was a profitable business until my buddies dad went freak show when we bought leaf blowers because he thought I was scamming him out of money. Nothing but love for my boy Dib to this day though.

Peak Clothing - My first attempt at a clothing brand. Literally just designed hoodies on SpreadShirt. Honestly, don't think I even sold one. 

It was at this point I stopped making raps and started making beats. I figured it was time to stay within the radar, but in a less annoying way. I was ridiculed all the time. Hell, I would've laughed at a kid who went by the name Young Roache too...

For some reason I had the courage to get back into fashion after I failed once. 

Modeste - It was my second attempt at a clothing brand. This time around I recruited a friend. We were doing pretty damn well. We had a big DJ rocking our shit in the presence of Diplo and shutting down venues in Miami. How did it end? All I gotta say is don't mix friends and business. 

Abovo USA - Yes...another clothing brand. This one did okay. I just stopped keeping up with it. You know what they say, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Lol. 

I made a few songs after this, but my girlfriend at the time called me tool for it. We broke up...

SomeFellas - Probably my most recent venture before I started the solo music journey. It was a band I was in with my good friend. Comparable to Aer. We had a short run but it taught me a lot about music and the industry. We played a show, signed a pair of tits, and called it quits. 

This brings us to the summer before my sophomore year of community college and I still hadn't made a substantial amount of money from any of these ventures. 

BUT I REALIZED BEING HAPPY GOES BEYOND MONEY...

Happiness is also about being your own person and doing whatever the hell you want. I was designing clothes, making music, and taking pictures  while everyone else was playing a sport. Thank god I didn't peak in high school. 

So I guess happiness is all about finding something cool and just doing it man. 

I'm still searching for that final destination of true happiness; until I find it, I'll be working.

luv nic